How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize