Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
