What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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