Swine flu. Run for my life!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
