He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
