dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
