Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
