Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
