I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
