This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize