Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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