I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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