So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize