yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
