He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
