I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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