what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
