Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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