Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
