I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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