i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Come see our sink grown plant.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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