Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
