And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
