he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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