I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
