Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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