it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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