I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
do nipples grow back?
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