I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
