just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
