Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
