Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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