Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
