did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I AM VODKA MAN
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
