Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
