I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
