Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Arellias hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(281): View more from Texas

I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

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(541): View more from Oregon

does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized

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(270): View more from Kentucky

they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding

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(651): View more from Minnesota

2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

(763): View more from Minnesota

and u failed math?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL

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(720): View more from Colorado

Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.

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