I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
