We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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