It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
