She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
