But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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