I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
