can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
