Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
