Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
