I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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