the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
