oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
