Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
its not stalking. its research.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize