Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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