I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
