if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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