i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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