A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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