I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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