Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
