On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
