i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
