Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
