he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
