Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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