Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"

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(605): View more from South Dakota

and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"

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(434): View more from Virginia

If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on

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