He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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