There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
