my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
