There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
