Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
