Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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