They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
