i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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