I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
