I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
