apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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